Top 10 Reasons I Know I am in a Hospital and Not a Hotel

Well, I am angry, and when I am angry I should never write.  I know this, but I cannot help myself.  I just read an article about who best understands patient satisfaction – doctors and nurses or hospital administrators (http://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2015/05/doctors-and-nurses-vs-administrators-on-patient-satisfaction-whos-right.html). (My answer is “neither,” but that is a topic for another day.)  Anyway, the point of the article was largely lost on me when one nurse commented, “A hospital isn’t a hotel; patients shouldn’t expect to be pampered.”  Wow!  We patients are, of course, all demanding, spoiled children who come to the hospital only when we need a break from the hardships of everyday life and are looking for a place we can slack off and get some rest, while having a dedicated staff attend to our every whim.  Who would dream of going to such a facility when truly ill?  So, here is my response…

Top 10 Reasons I Know I am in a Hospital and Not a Hotel

10.    I hear beeps, intercom messages, and “code” announcements every 10 seconds.

9.     Five different nurses just tried 5 times each to start an IV in my already sore arm.

8.     I am confined to my assigned floor and can only walk a small square of hallways while

        pulling my IV pole alongside me.

7.     I am drinking Protein Ensure rather than eating a 5-star meal.

6.     Instead of a sun hat, I have a “hat” which measures my urine output every time I use the   

        restroom.

5.     My clothing has no back side.

4.     “Room service” personnel do not come quickly when I call, and when they do arrive, they

         do not seem to understand the basic rules of customer satisfaction.

3.     An aide turned on the overhead and bed lights without warning at 3:00 AM so that she could 

        take my blood pressure for about the hundredth time today – and then told me I should

        really get some sleep.

2.     Someone just stuck a rather unpleasant tube down my nose to pump my stomach.  

1.     I am paying far more for my stay here than I would in even the finest hotel.