Humility

I wrestle with how to express myself in a way that I am understood without sounding as if I am simply whining or making excuses. It should not be this difficult, and the fact that it is tells me we are failing to reach people in ways that touch their hearts.

To the healthy people out there, please imagine with me, if you will…

You are unable to eat more than 500-750 calories per day on a good day and often go completely without nutrition for several days in a row. You are fatigued, nauseous, and in pain. Your sleep patterns are also often disturbed. Your ability to think, reason, and make good decisions are all compromised by this deprivation. You are at your wit’s end, hanging by a thread, barely keeping your head above water.

Yet, you must continue on with your regular activities. You must work, run errands, do household chores, and care for your children and pets. You must make it to meetings, significant events, and social affairs as well. You must seamlessly adjust to any crises or changes that arise, without voicing objection or hinting at hesitation. You must remain polite, professional, and poised at all times, despite your world crumbling around you.

You feel as if you are on the verge of collapse, but the world demands you go forward, never-ceasing, never missing a beat – and that you do so with a smile on your face and a pep in your step. You cannot show weakness, make errors, or fall short of goals… for if you do, the vultures await.

They hover near, seeking any opportunity to scold, berate, convince you that you are “lesser,” worthless. Their words are harsh and their judgment harsher. They await your failure with bated breath, ready to pounce upon your slightest mistake. They offer no grace, no mercy, no forgiveness, and no empathy. They are oblivious to your plight, to your struggles, because these do not match their own experiences. They are unwilling to look beyond their own interests and needs and consider the burdens of others. They are high and mighty in their ivory towers, blessed with health, opportunity, and good fortune. They are perfection in their own eyes. And you? You are a mere mortal, a sinner, outmatched.

I ask you with all the passion and humility I can muster, the next time you seek to judge me – or anyone in my community – pause and consider my circumstances. Try for a second to put yourself in my shoes, and when I misstep, do me the courtesy of showing me the benefit of the doubt. Exercise a bit of compassion, soften your glaring glance, and hold your lashing tongue because you who are so fortunate have little idea what I face. I fail, and I fail often, but I am trying my best, and you know not the effort I expend to simply survive the day, let alone stay on top of the game.