ONWARD EVER I GO

Drag myself up,

Pour myself out,

And some days I wonder,

“Is this what it’s about?”

Struggle to find meaning,

Lost in the pain,

Abandoned to this nightmare,

My efforts in vain.

Does He see me?

Does He care?

Do I matter?

Is He aware?

In the midst of the suffering,

Grief beyond compare,

Masses of people,

Hopeless and in despair.

We’re not promised a day,

This I understand,

But I still long for a glimpse

A hint of the Master’s plan.

Good people all around me,

Crying out for better days,

Mustering up their courage,

Doing their best to keep the faith.

But rewards are few and far,

Hardships near and wide,

Explanations beyond my grasp,

And He does not confide.

Don’t mean to be ungrateful,

For much have I been given,

But my mind has many questions,

So, toward answers I am driven.

Don’t blame Him for my fate,

For, indeed, He owes me nothing,

Still I cannot help but wonder,

Why the blessings are not coming.

One touch and I would heal,

One thought, my troubles gone,

One glance in my direction,

My misery withdrawn.

I assume there is a lesson,

Though many I have learned,

What am I still missing?

For enlightenment I yearn.

The foundations He has laid,

So, who am I to question?

Yet ever the notion lingers,

And that is my confession.

Onward ever I go,

Forward where He leads me,

A pathetic worm before Him,

A sinner with but one plea.

That this life of ill and struggle,

Is only but a moment,

Pale shadow of the next world,

One free of lament and torment.

All my hope in my Creator,

That my blind eyes one day will see,

The intricate web he weaves,

His eternal love for me.